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Baby boomers like this writer remember how great MAD Magazine was in the 60s and 70s. Funny funny funny! The satire was tremendous. Well, children, we have a new satirical magazine, and funny as hell: MAGA MAGAZINE. I sampled some of it the other day when I went to my local coffee shop for a late breakfast. I took my better half with me, and was she in for a shock. Now, I did know that a lot of local MAGA  folks frequent the place, but never in a million years were we ready for this! As we climbed into a booth there was a table nearby with seven senior citizens… all but one wearing Trump baseball caps. The hatless guy had some religious books by his hands on the table, and soon the show began… or actually continued as this was going on before we even entered the place.

“‘I tell ya those hailstones in Texas had to come from God. God is angry at what goes on at our border. I say that Trump needs to, on Day One, deport all the illegals… all of em!” said one Trump hatted guy. Another guy, the one who claimed he was a chaplain, went on about how ” Jefferson never meant to separate Church and State. This was all not true. He believed in Church and State actually being ‘ One and the same’!” They went on about how ‘ God wants to cleanse America of this pagan, Communist threat’. This went on for five more minutes as my wife just wanted to cancel our order and leave. No, I said, this is great theater. So, we stayed and listened to this madness. The group then went into the David and Goliath story in the Old Testament. I could not gather what this had to do with their previous rants, and I wanted to get up and ask them ‘ Fellers, you guys are into the Bible. How about reading the New Testament and Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.’ My wife stopped me and she was probably correct, because this group was too far gone to educate with facts and truth.

The crème de la crème was when one of the Trump Thumpers requested they end this breakfast meeting with a prayer. The guy without the hat and with the religious book led them in prayer, as they all held hands around the table. One guy kept saying ‘ Jesus is coming again’ as they prayed. When finished this same guy told the group ” Did you hear the trumpets sound while we prayed?” He then did his best imitation of a trumpet as one other guy joined in with ” I heard it too.” Another guy just said ” I didn’t hear anything.” Meanwhile the first guy added how there are trumpets sounding all over the planet for Jesus’ second coming. It was time, he said, for God to smite out all the non believers and save America. The chaplain ended their encounter with ” Everyone have a blessed day.”

After they exited the place the waitress came over with our check. I remembered her from the other times I ate there, and she was always a nice, efficient server. I said to her ” I hope those guys are good tippers.” She took my retort and came back with ” They’re a bunch of great guys. They come every Tuesday.” My wife and I realized that she was most likely a MAGA herself. All I could add was ” Well, that’s what makes America a great country. Everyone can have their own opinions.” My wife made it clear she would never go there again. For me, to know the enemy is vital, so I will return again. Another sad irony is how the coffee shop is surrounded by trailer parks, and many not very upscale at that. The way those men dressed told me that these were not very affluent people, or perhaps even what many call ‘ Middle Class’. Just retired blue and white collar men who believe in the rhetoric that the right wing and Trump throw their way. I remember all the times I went to the YMCA and went onto the treadmill. Nine times out of ten the television on the treadmill was set on the Fox News station. Matter of fact, a few years back they took MSNBC off the television. When I asked the gym manager to put Free Speech TV on, she answered ” Oh, not many members would want that on here.” Wonder if she eats at that coffee shop too.

PA Farruggio
May 2024